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Value

In an attempt to find what is good about me, I began telling this story. It’s not completely finished. I could use some feedback. I’m in junior high. I don’t want to be me. I want to be anyone but me. It’s so much easier to pick out my flaws than to find something good […]

On Brennan Manning's "A Glimpse of Jesus"

On Brennan Manning’s “A Glimpse of Jesus”

Have you ever found yourself saying or thinking: “I hate myself.” “Why can’t I be more like so-and-so?” “I’m such an idiot!” “I keep making stupid mistakes.” “I can’t do anything right.” “I’m a failure.” “I don’t deserve to exist.” ? I’ve said these things to myself many times before. In fact, it was merely […]

Sometimes

I need to write something, anything. But my thoughts only seem to fall into writing mode sometimes. Sometimes the world around me is flooded with rapturous joy Sometimes my most haunting fears are miles and miles behind me Sometimes a resounding symphony takes hold and captivates me Sometimes I’m paralyzed by the comfort of a […]

Lost

If I am lost then come find me Weeping beside the willow tree On mountains high or by the sea Where brokenness is beauty If I am lost then set me free From prison cells made of me From the pain of self injury And the fear of what might be If I am lost […]

Dear Rose,

You want to know something funny? I actually started writing this memoir when I was 22 and traveling around Europe with our French friend. I’d bought this Mozart journal in Salzburg at one of the Mozart museums and had begun writing about my past while on the train to Innsbruck. I didn’t really know why I was writing it. For me it was just a way to pass time. Not that my story was very interesting back then.

Another strange thing is that I haven’t kept a steady diary since 2008. That was the same year I stopped self-injuring, remember? Then I moved home and began transcribing all my diaries on the computer. Again I wasn’t sure why.

Then, last night I talked with another friend. I told him how hard it was remembering things and how the writing in my diaries was so much better than what I was coming up with now. So he told me to use my diaries and just fill in the blanks with narrative where narrative was needed.

I feel slightly guilty doing that because it seems kind of lazy to me. Maybe it is. But I’m doing it anyway. I’ll send you a copy of the Mozart journal when it is finished.

Clara

To My Dear Old Friend

Written in my diary July 2, 2006 My Dear Friend, Because we cannot speak to one another; because we cannot see one another… I write to you. I write to you from the darkness of my prison; from my sea of guilt and shame I write to you. If the time has come when we must […]

Never to See the Light of Day

Never to See the Light of Day

Here is the ending passage on a 37-journal-page story written in 2001 when I was barely 21-years-old. I’d just broken up with the man I thought I was going to marry and, for some reason, sinking into my imagination helped me cope with the break-up. I don’t think it’s great writing, but then again, I don’t […]

Another kind of love

(based on 1st Corinthians 13) Love is more than Romeo and Juliette And it’s more than Tristan and Isolde Lancelot and Guinevere let’s just forget Because their love is not the kind we should be sold   Let cupid keep his quiver full of arrows closed There’s no more need for making up romance And […]

Stan’s Favorite

Learn to Think Differently

Learn to Think Differently

“Why do I have to learn the quadratic formula? I’m never going to use it!” Teenage Clara passionately lamented as her father sat down to help her with her homework. For the first 8 years of my life, my dad was a professor of computer science. He also holds diplomas from two of the most […]

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