Bipolar Disorder

Faith and Hyper-Religiosity - Part 1

Faith and Hyper-Religiosity – Part 1

Sunday morning my hands trembled. I’d woken up before dawn, my mind racing. So I decided to walk to church instead of taking the tram. It was kind of a long walk but I had time. In the crisp morning air I walked past memorials to the dead from various wars. But these were all […]

Six Times in the Psychiatric Hospital

This is how I got the label “disabled.” Age 22/23 Thuir, France After the police station and the ER, I was taken on a stretcher via ambulance to a psychiatric hospital somewhere in France. I was told I was sick, but I wasn’t sick. Still, the nurses and doctors forced me to take medicine and […]

The Condition of My Heart

They say I must accept some things just as they are To stop my incessant wishing out there on yonder star To stop naively hoping for a better change to take place When it’s no easier a feat than to change a person’s face But before acceptance of what’s in me can truly start I […]

Starting and Re-Starting; Never Finished

I started writing my memoir when I was 23. Up until my 22nd year, my life had been pretty uneventful. I would often compare myself to my peers at church. Sometimes they’d be asked to give testimonies about how their lives had been a living hell but God had rescued them. I didn’t have that […]

Experimenting

Experimenting

The Experiment Not long ago I was lured into an experiment through a vague yet enticing invitation to go on an adventure! There were very few details. All I knew was that risk was certain and success was not guaranteed.  Trembling with fear, I summoned my courage and responded to the invitation. Within a short […]

Temporarily Disabled

Temporarily Disabled

I’m not disabled. Perhaps this is why I appear perfectly normal when I chat with strangers who’ve only known me for 5 minutes. After all, I’m not limping or dragging an oxygen tank behind me. I’m not confined to a wheelchair or aided by a service animal. I’m not visibly disfigured nor do I have […]

My St. Francis journal from 2005.

St. Francis and Me

St. Francis and Me I’m not Catholic and, until fairly recently, I was quite adamantly against Catholicism. That’s not to say I didn’t like Catholics. Regardless of my disagreements with many of the church’s theological positions, I always felt Christ moved within Catholicism just as much as he moved in any other Christian tradition. For […]

Why Do I Exist?

Why Do I Exist?

This happened more often than I would’ve liked. A professor would assign group projects and then release us young and unsuspecting students out of our seats to find a partner. I would usually freeze for a minute and survey the room while my body filled with a sense of fear and anxiety. Where do I […]

Pity the man who dares to love me...

Pity the man who dares to love me…

I’m not sure how “drunk” I actually was when I wrote this. What I can tell you is that I wrote it in 2007 with an inkwell pen while sitting alone in my one-bedroom apartment. It’s an expression of deep sadness and emptiness, feeling painfully unwanted and unloved. I was 27 when I wrote this […]

He Remembered My Name

He Remembered My Name

My study-abroad in France had been the fulfillment of a dream. At last I could immerse myself in a new language and new way of life! As I took my first steps on French soil, I yearned to be transformed. As an American, I felt stifled and unsatisfied with who I was. No label fully […]

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